Deep Fried Pies

UGH!!! I have so many recipes I need to blog! I take pictures and get a format in my head only to then spend my nights with my head in a book or my eyes glued to Netflix. Lame I know. Then last week I actually started an amusing only to find I never took pictures while preparing that meal!😖 Seriously!!

Well, the other day I was scrolling through my Facebook feed, reading about my friends who actually have active lives, and came across a recipe for apple pie egg rolls. Come on, stick with me here. I've seen this recipe man times and pinned it on Pintrest as few times as well. They look good and promised to taste like the deep fried pies McDonald's formally served before switching to those oven baked pies. Which made me ask myself "WHY?!?". The pies they serve now are gross. Plus, ever since I read an article about a man who bit into a McDondald's pie only to find it filled with a rat, I can't seem to order one without gagging. Even though I worked there in my teens and know it is physically impossible for a rodent to crawl into one of their pie, I still don't trust it to order one. My irrationality shouldn't surprise you since I am the girl who killed a mouse in her garage by running over it with my car. I only did that because I didn't own a gun.

So these pies intrigued me. After going to three stores to find egg roll wraps I was ready to make myself some deep fried pies!

So we begin.....

                   Deep Fried Pies

Ingredients:

~Canned pie filling. Any kind your heart desires will do but I do have a few thoughts I'll put further down.

~Egg Roll Wraps

~Oil

~Powdered Sugar (not pictured because I suck at this blogging thing)

Here's the deal. Cooking with oil terrifies me. If I had go-go-gadget arms to use I wouldn't be as scared. But I don't, so I am. That popping makes me want to run for the oil free hills. Then there is the fear of a grease fire. Irrational? Well duh! Didn't you read about my fear of eating a rat pie? My brain doesn't usually work in "rational mode". 

My uneducated cooking advice is to roll all of the pies you are going to make before hearing your oil. I don't know why you should but that is what I did. If you have a fancy deep fryer then you should start it before rolling your pies so that the oil can properly heat through. But if you are just pan drying them, as I was, then fill your rolls first. 

I laid my rolls in the shape of a diamond to start and then added a few spoon fulls of pie filling. As you can see I used apple, as the recipe called for, and cherry pie filling. I love cherry pie filling. Probably more than I love my furry and nonfurry children. Yes, the offspring is well aware I'd sell her for a can of cherry pie filling. 

                  Long and skinny!👍

I decided after rolling a few that skinny and long was better than fat and short. Yes, I am still talking about these deep fried pies. 

                   Short and fat.👎

The fat ones ended up too heavy and ripped the wrap. Or I did something else wrong and that is why it ripped. Who knows. I've never made egg rolls before. Oh yeah! Oops I should have added a disclaimer. Let's recap. I am terrified of frying in oil and have never made egg rolls before. Well that should give you all the confidence in the world to make these! 

Okay, so add your filling and roll those bad boys up. Roll it like an egg roll. Make sure the ends are tucked in and it is sealed so that no filling will spill out while it is frying. Watery filling plus hot oil is bad. It pops and splatters and scares the dog....and the cook. 

Your egg roll should look like this...only better.

If you are going to pan fry you want to add enough oil, in a deep pan, to completely submerge the egg roll. I did not do this and had to flip mine over to fry both sides. That sucked. My cooking guru told me to heat it to 250*F degrees. 

Then drop those pie filled suckers in the oil and watch them dance. 

I should also add that my pan was too small and I do not own tongs that would have helped me adequately flip these jerks over. It was a pain. I had to use a metal spoon and a knife. So for the love of God PLEASE have the proper kitchen tools when cooking. You'll save an eye. 

I cooked one side until a golden-ish brown then flipped it and did the other side. Because of my lack of deep frying experience and fear of hot oil I did not cook a few of them long enough and they ended up a little doughy on the inside. I told myself this was a nice feature, crispy on the outside and doughy in the middle. But that was just me lying to myself to make myself feel better, as I often do. It wasn't appealing.

When done frying I laid these little deep fried yummy angels on paper towel to drain.

I suggest waiting a few minutes before eating them. Otherwise the pie filling will be so hot it will cause the roof of your mouth to catch fire, burn, and peel. Or so I've read because of course I didn't do this.

     Fruity deliciousness in fried dough!

Next time I make these I am not going to use cherry filling. While saying those words is treason in my home the reality is it is too wet of a pie filling. The apple had bigger chunks of apple and not as much...sauce?? What is that jelly like stuff in pie filling called?? Filling?? Anyway, I think a peach filling would work as well. 

The recipe I found stated to make your own filling. Really?!? Who the hell has time for that? That is why God invented canned pie filling. But if feel the need to outshine us all then by all means make your own filling. 

Lastly, sprinkle your fruit filled clouds of delight with powdered sugar and enjoy. 

             And that is for dessert!!

.....or breakfast if you live in my home!

Hillbilly Casserole

I made one of our absolute favorite meals this past week. The offspring has two meals she loves and will actually eat leftovers of. One is Hillbilly Casserole and the other is Mexican Stackup (blog about that one later).

Before making dinner I went into the offsprings room to ask her if she wanted Hillbilly Casserole for dinner but in my head was thinking Mexican Stackup and ended up asking her if she wanted Hillbilly Stackup. She was greatly confused and a little frighten about what exactly was about to go down in the kitchen...so was I. 

This recipe is very easy. Duh. I wouldn't have made it if it wasn't. But it is also yummy and super addicting. There is something about this combination of ingredients that renders us speechless while eating it. Which if you know me you know that is not an easy thing to do. It also is a versatile recipe which is another thing I love about it. You can add things like green peppers and deduct an ingredient like the onions without compromising the true intent of the recipe.

So we begin.....

                Hillbilly Casserole

Ingredients:

1 1/2 pounds ground hamburger

1 cup diced tomatoes

15oz can whole kernel corn

1/2 an onion chopped

8oz can Tomato Sauce

1/2 cup elbow macaroni

1 teaspoon Garlic Powder

Salt & pepper to taste

Start by boiling the water for your noodles. The rest of the ingredients can cook in the 12 minutes it takes to cook the noodles. Next I ignore all of the sizes of each ingredients that the recipe told me to use. I just eyeball how it looks. If I want more corn I pour it in. If I want less noodles then I add less. It is definitely items you can tailor to your families likes and dislikes. 

I end up making the entire box of elbow macaroni. We love the extra noodles tossed with butter and Parmesan cheese.

While the noodles boil brown your hamburger. I use a larger pot for this because I always overflow a smaller pan as I add the tomatoes. Never fails. 

After the hamburger is done add the diced tomatoes (I use a big can), tomato sauce, and corn. I do not drain my diced tomatoes. I like the casserole a little soupy. But feel free to do whatever your little culinary heart desires. Let that mixture of weird flavor heaven simmer until heated through. Then add you garlic powder, salt, and pepper to taste. The original recipe never clearly stated when to add the spices so I just throw them in it to the hamburger mixture before I add the noodles. I am not sure if adding the spices to the meat would change how they work any. I am not skilled enough to know what exactly that would do or how it could benefit the recipe more. Or how maybe adding the spices to both the meat and the mixture will taste. It may end up giving you flavor orgasm in your mouth but who knows I have never altered it. 

Your pretty mixture should look similar to the picture below....like seriously all this stuff is from a can so you can't screw it up too bad...

                          YUM!!

Lastly add the noodles. I found that 1/2 cup of noodles cooked up is NOT enough for this recipe. The recipe was too much meat that way. So, I just add noodles until my carb addicted heart is happy. 

Heat the mixture through and serve!

I am not sure how well this meal will freeze for later because we never have enough leftover to freeze. We eat the leftovers for a few days and then suffer an extreme depression when it is gone. Someday I'll double the recipe and freeze some just to see how well it would do. But until then I am shoving my gullet until my bottoms pop! 

     And that is what is for dinner!

Cool Whip Cookies

After being wake for over 36 hours the other day I decided that cooking an actual meal was not in the best interest of anyone who was going to be eating it. So instead the offspring and I made Cool Whip cookie! 

I found the recipe on Pinterest. Of course. I refuse to purchase cookbooks anymore when I can find it all on Pinterest for free. 

I chose these cookies because every comment was exploding with adjectives about how amazing, light, and fluffy these cookies were. Plus, they were apparently a "Weight Watchers approved" recipe. I am convinced whoever wrote that also believes Nutella is "healthy" for you because it uses cocoa powder. Idiots. 

After making the first batch I was convinced that all those people who posted those raving reviews had never actually made these cookies or tasted them. My first batch blew chunks big time! That didn't stop me from eating the entire batch but I wasn't going to be in a rush to make them again. However, during a moment of boredom I tried the recipe again. I am so happy I did! They actually do knock your socks off!  

 

With the first batch the offspring decided she wanted to do all the work. I'd just coach her along. I realized while watching her cooking that I have severely failed as a parent. She has no idea how to crack an egg! She crumbled the thing! She actually crushed the egg in her hand! What the hell was that!?!? I was pretty impressed with the strength she apparently has in her hands though. But come on! I've watched wild animals suck the contents of eggs from their prey with more ease and grace than what she did! Oy vey! Shockingly, she got no shells in the mix. So hey, whatever floats your boat offspring of mine. You free that embryo from its shell any way you want to! Other than the egg debacle she did great.

So we begin.....

               Cool Whip Cookies

Ingredients:

~1 box of cake mix (any kind. First batch I used Red Velvet. Second batch I used Cherry Chip. Both were labeled "Super Moist" mixes.)

~1 8oz tub of Cool Whip, thawed

~1 egg

~powdered sugar

Preheat your oven to 350*F

In a mixing bowl empty the entire box of cake mix. Add your one egg and mix the crap outta that stuff. I used a fork to mix both times I made these. The recipe on Pinterest was worthless and didn't state whether to use a beater or not. Whatever, a fork worked fine. Your mixture won't end up looking like how it would if you use the 3 eggs the box suggests. After adding the one egg it is still very dry looking with a hint of egg mixed in. But seriously mix it like your life depends on it. 

Next, add the tub of Cool Whip. I used a Spartan brand. I am sure you can use name brand or store brand or homemade or whatever your heart desires. Cool whip is Cool whip right? I wouldn't use the "lite" one though. Come on, these are cookies. If you are making and eating cookies make them unhealthy for God sake. Trying to make cookies healthy is blasphemy! So add that full fat Cool Whip and again mix it really well! It gets really tough and thick but you keep stirring that mix like an Amish woman churning butter! You work that batter over good until there is no dry cake mix left in the bowl. If you are lucky it will look like my second batch pictures below.

           Cherry Chip heavenly batter! 

Now let me tell you, the smell of this Cherry Chip cake mix was heavenly! If God had himself ground into a cake mix this is what He would smell like. The entire kitchen was soaked in this divine cherry smell. I might have ate a spoon full of the dry cake mix...and maybe the dough too.

Next take spoonful of the batter or dough, whatever it is, and drop it into a bowl of the powered sugar to coat it really good. I did not do this with the first batch because it didn't seem logical. And again the direction were horrible in the original recipe I found so I wasn't sure when to coat it with the powered sugar. But after the first fail I coated them before baking.

 Cherry Chip dough in a powered sugar bath! 

This dough was very sticky and hard to get off the spoon to drop into the powered sugar. So after licking my weight in dough off my fingers I got the bright idea to use a knife. That worked much better! 

Once coated in powered sugar place them on a cookie sheet that has been sprayed with cooking spray. They looked and smelled so AMAZING!!!! 

   My little cherry puff babies in the oven!!

Bake for 12-15 minutes. I used the whole clean spaghetti noodle trick to tell when they were done. This batch was so puffy and airy. I totally agree with every positive review that was written. 

If you have self control, allow them to cool before eating them. I lack self control around sweets so I ate a few that were nice and warm from the oven. They were really good. I even shared a few with the offspring.

And that is what is for dessert!

           Second successful batch!!

Pictured below was how the first batch ended up. Something went horribly, horribly, wrong.

        Sad, lonely, flat, ugly cookie:(

Sorry my pictures are so dark. I couldn't find the offsprings camera and she was sleeping when I made the second batch. 

Tortellini Bake

I am back in the kitchen!! I haven't made anything worth blogging about in months. But the offspring and I have moved!!! We have a big beautiful kitchen. And with this move was a promise of home cooked meals every night. I didn't think that plan through at all! I have an insanely spoiled child. So promising home cooked meals every night means I am getting to know my new kitchen very very well. My goal is to start teaching her how to open a can or boil water.

I will admit I love being in the kitchen and cooking for my family. It warms my heart & soul completely!

This recipe is stupid proof. If you can read you can cook this. Well, maybe I shouldn't state that. My eldest sister could even ruin noodles when she cooked. Considering my mom busted her tail and worked two job, while I was a kid, the sister cooked often. I was a really skinny kid. Hmmm.....maybe I'll invite her over for a few weeks and see how much weight I can lose now! 

So we begin.....

                      

                     Tortellini Bake

Ingredients:

~1 19oz bag of cheese filled tortellini.

~1 15oz jar of alfredo sauce

~1/2 cup marinara sauce

~1/2 cup mozzarella cheese

~1/2 cup parmesan cheese

That's it! 

            Heat your oven to 350*F

Start by cooking your tortellini as directed. Which means boil some water and empty the frozen tortellini's into the pot. When they all are floating they are done. They do not take long to cook at all. I love that! I suppose you could use tortellini filled with whatever you want. Probably would hurt any right? Well, you might not want to take my advice considering I had to call my cooking guru to ask her how to broil:/

Transfer your cook tortellini to a 8X8 dish. I actually have one! 

Now add your sauces. Again, it is an entire jar of alfredo sauce and 1/2 a cup of the marinara (my autocorrect keeps changing this to Maryanne. Please don't cook Maryanne.) I bought a garden chunky sauce or something like that. It had big chunks of tomatoes and peppers in it. I ended up using about a cup of marinara. No reason other than it was chunky and the color was pretty when combined with the alfredo. Once the sauces are added stir that dish up! 

It might now look similar to this:

Even if it doesn't look like this, who cares. You can't mess up with these ingredients. 

Now top it with both cheeses and cook it! So here's where I strayed a bit. I am now shopping in a new grocery story and it took me HOURS! I got tired of wandering around the grocery store and "forgot" parmesan cheese. The truth is it is expensive and had I even found it I probably would not have bought it. So I just used an entire 8oz block of mozzarella cheese. It was glorious!

Bake for 15 minutes. 

After my timer went off it was a gooey cheesy awesome mess! However, I wanted the cheese brown not white! So I called my mom...oops I mean my cooking guru. She suggested I broil it. After then explaining to me where the broiler was and how to do that it looked perfect!

               Tortellini perfection!

Watch it close while it is broiling! That sucker browned up really fast.

I served it with some twisty garlic bread sticks. Probably should have added a salad but BLAH....lettuce makes me sad.

I was so hungry and dying to devour it so  I completed forgot to take a picture of the finished product on a place. But you should get the point. Right?

And that is what is for dinner.....